by Imam Shamsudeen Qasimi
Assalamu Alaikum respected elders, brothers and sisters!
Allah (Glory Be To Him), the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful, has made certain relationships very essential for mankind as they are unbreakable. Allah (GBTH) has taught mankind on behaviour, discipline and maintenance of relationships in this world. No one can avoid two kind of relationships in this lifetime. One of them is blood relationship. One cannot break this blood relationship any time in his life. This blood relationship will join him in some or other way even if he wants to ignore it. Similarly, the next unavoidable relationship is friendship. Like blood relationship, one cannot avoid friendship in his life. As it is not possible to ignore friendship completely, Allah (GBTH) has framed certain disciplinary rules for friendship as He framed for blood relationships.
Allah (GBTH) says in His Holy Quran that He Himself has made friendship with certain people in order to have Him as a role model. He has shown us on how to have a friendship, with whom we need to be friend and how we should respect friendship.
When Allah (GBTH) says about Prophet Ibrahim (Alaihi) in His Holy Quran, He says that “ I have taken Prophet Ibrahim (Alaihi) as My Haleel” i.e., as His best friend. Similarly, when Allah (GBTH) says about Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) in His Holy Quran, He has used the word “Habeeb”. So, Allah (GBTH) has selected Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) as His friend. Since Allah (GBTH) wanted to meet His friend directly, He sent Jibraheel (Alaihi) to invite Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) for Mi'raaj. Hence, Allah (GBTH) has selected few best prophets as His best friend or Haleel or Habeeb. Why does Allah (GBTH) need friendship? Allah (GBTH) doesn't have relations. He can avoid relationship and friendship. There is no need that He should have friendship like how He has no need for mother and father. Even, it is not tough for Allah (GBTH) to avoid relationship and friendship. But still He has selected few friends in order to show us that we mankind should also select good friends as friendship cannot be ignored in this world.
One cannot select his blood relationships as he wishes, as these blood relationships are not 'Ikhthiyar' i.e., cannot be selected by one's desire. One cannot select his mother, father or siblings, but he can select his friends. So, Allah (GBTH) has given an opportunity for mankind to select his best friends. What is the difference between relationship and friendship? Even though both are unavoidable, one cannot select his blood relations but can select his friends. That's why, Allah (GBTH) has selected friends instead of parents and relations. So, from that, we should understand that Allah (GBTH) has taken Prophets as His friend to show us that we have to select friends carefully and must analyse their characters before taking them as our friend.
To show us the importance of friendship, Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said that “Friendship is the one which will make great impacts in mankind's life”. Here, the impacts can be good or bad. The friendship will give many changes in one's life. But, it is up to us to self inspect and select whether we need good impact or bad.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said about friendship in a hadith which has been recorded in Sahih Buhari. He said that, “Making friendship with good people is equal to having friendship with the one who sell 'Athur'. When a man sells athur, the scent of it will be with him and also with those who are around him. Atleast one can smell the aroma of athur until he is with the athur man.
This is the good example to understand how the changes of good friendship will return good impacts and reactions to the one around him. So, if we make friendship with the athur man, either we will get athur or the scent of the athur with us.
Like that, Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said a good example for bad friendship. He said that, “If a man is having friendship with bad people, then it is equal to having friendship with an Iron smith”. An iron smith will blow fire and works with fire pieces and iron. So, that fire will spoil our dress or atleast the smoke of that fire will dirt our dress.
These are the best examples for the impacts that friendship gives within one's life. The friendship is unavoidable and very essential for mankind. So, it is an important duty for a mu'meen to select good friends.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said, “One will always want to be with whom he loves”. He said this statement, when one companion came to Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) and said that he wanted to have friendship with him. Then Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) exclaimed and said the above.
This sentence doesn't mean that one sticks to the body of the other. It has many meanings. One of the meaning is that, a man would want his friend to be with him regardless of whatever he does. One would want to share his happiness and sorrow with his friend. That's why Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said like that. Another meaning is that, if we like some one, then his good characters and attitudes will come to us and we may feel that we are with our friend always. Similarly, if one has bad friendship, he will then adopt his friend's bad characters and attitudes. Even in this case, we may feel that we are with our friends. Therefore, one can be with his friend always either by his physical presence or by adopting his good or bad characteristics.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) also said that, “We will be with the loved one even in the hereafter either in the heaven or in the hell”. So, a friend can change you to be the people of heaven or to be the people of hell.
Some times we may not be able to find the changes that are happening within us because of this friendship. That change can be either a good change or a bad change. But we cannot sense it. This is the biggest danger in friendship. Some good changes may happen within ourself, but we may not able to sense it because of our good friendship. Similarly, bad changes may happen with us but we may not be able to sense it for long time. We will come to know only when the bad impacts affects us. That's why Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said that, one would always feel to be with his friend as the characters gets transferred between them. Since there is more importance for friendship, Allah (GBTH) also teaches us the etiquettes of friendship.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said a beautiful hadith on friendship which is recorded in Buhari and Abu Dawud. He said that, “A man was going to meet his friend in distance. At that time, Jibraheel (Alaihi) interrupted him and asked, Where is he going? The man said that, he is going to meet his friend in so and so place. Jibraheel (Alaihi) then asked him, does his friend has to pay him back any debts? Or Is there any financial need for him? The man said, No. Then, Jibraheel (Alaihi) asked him, Whether he is going to meet his friend for any worldly helps or recommendations? The man said, No. Jibraheel (Alaihi) asked, what is the need for him to meet his friend then? The man said that he is just going to meet his friend with the expectation of Allah's (GBTH) reward for his friendship in the hereafter. Jibraheel (Alaihi) then said to man that “Allah (GBTH) has sent him to convey the good news that, Allah (GBTH) has accepted their friendship and Allah (GBTH) is loving them as they love each other.” So, if two friends are making friendship just for Allah (GBTH), then that has turned out to be the reason for Allah's (GBTH) affection and love over them.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said another hadith recorded in Buhari that, “During the Day of Qiyamah, when there is no other shadow except the shadow of Allah's throne, Allah (GBTH) will give shelter for 7 kind of people under His throne. On that day, the sun will just be in the height of palm tree, there won't be even a little shadow and people will be drowning in their sweat according to their sins. At that time, Allah (GBTH) will invite and give shelter for 7 kind of people. One among them is “Rajulani” i.e., two people, who had friendship just for Allah (GBTH) and met & departed just for Allah (GBTH).”
Therefore, friendship should be first for Allah (GBTH). But, now a days, one is having friendship for their selfishness. They are thinking about the benefits they will get because of that friendship. The man will have more friends if he has good status and money but when he lost his status or money no one will be with him. So, in today's world, people are making friends for some purpose and benefit.
But, Allah (GBTH) says that a friendship should not be like this but it should be for Allah's (GBTH) cause. One should keep in mind that he must not have friendship just for worldly helps. One has to make good friendships as one cannot live without friends in this world. One should select friends with the aim to adopt good characters like thakwa, pious nature, ibadahs from his friend. Until and unless a man makes friendship with this aim, his friendship will not be benefited, considered and rewarded by Allah (GBTH). Therefore, when one needs Allah's (GBTH) attention and reward in his friendship, then he has to aim only for Allah's (GBTH) affection through his friendship. That's why Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said that when a man meets and departs his friend just for Allah's (GBTH) cause, then he will be under Allah's (GBTH) throne on the day of Qiyamah. These are the good examples said by Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) on friendship. Bernard Shaw also said the same like Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said, but in another word that “Tell me about your friend, I will tell about you”. Because, through friendship, characters gets transferred between friends. Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) used to make dua whenever he goes to a new place and meets new people, like “Ya Allah! Please spread the good characters of mine to the people of this town and give the good characters of these people within me. Please restrict the spreading of bad characters of mine and the people between us”.
We adult can have good friendship after analysing and inspecting on one's character. We can understand the character of our friend whether he is good or bad only under our tough situations. There is one proverb in English, “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. i.,e., A friend is a true friend only when he helps during though situations. We can see the true face of our friend when we are in need. If our friend doesn't help us during the dreadful situations, then there is no need of having that friendship. When Prophet Mohamed's (Pbuh) life was under threat by the Quraishi people of Mecca, Abu Bakkar (Rali) helped him and proved his true friendship with Prophet (Pbuh). Even Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) realised his true friendship that time only. When the enemies in Mecca charged a ransom for Prophet Mohamed's (Pbuh) head, they even charged for Abu Bakkar's (Rali) head since he gave accommodation for Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) when he was under threat. But today, if our friends are arrested by policemen, we will stand at a distance and watch since we might also get arrested. But, when the enemies in Mecca announced an award of 200 camels to kill Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh), Abu Bakkar Siddique (Rali) had not only gave accommodation but also travelled along with him to other places. He helped and consoled Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) a lot when they stayed in the cave. That's why Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said during his last time of his life that he had done enough in return for all the helps that his friends and sahabas did to him so far, but he couldn't tally anything for Abu Bakkar's (Rali) help in this world and said that inshaallah he will do it in the hereafter. These are the etiquettes of friendship.
Allah (GBTH) taught us to have such a friendship. It is our compulsory duty to select good friends. It is very important now a days, that we should teach our male and female teenage children who go to schools, colleges and meet people around the neighbourhood, to select their friends carefully. We must ask them to bring their friends to our home so that we can get to know about their character. We must tell our children that we will give opinion on whether to have or break friendship with their friends after meeting them directly. It is the responsibility of the parents to give more respect and importance for their children's friendship and must help in selecting good friends for them based on the etiquettes discussed above. But, now a days, we parents are giving more importance to studies and worrying about their schools, colleges but not about their friendship. We are saying that friends will be like that only. If our son introduce someone as his friend, then it our responsibility to see whether that friend is a good person or not. We could see many parents saying that their son has gone astray even though he is from good religious family. The reason is friendship. Our girl children are misguided by their wrong girl friends only. If our girl child makes friendship with a bad girl, then all the bad characters of her will be transferred to our child. Our children's friendship plays a very important role in bringing them as a good human being. We parents have a duty of inspecting our children about their friendship and the communications between them. If we are not doing so, then it should be taken that we parents have paved way for our children to go astray. So, it is the responsibility of the parents to choose their friends carefully based on the etiquettes discussed so far and also guide our children to select good friends.
Now a days, influence of another western culture started prevailing a lot. The young generation have started making friends with their opposite genders. Boys make friendship with girls and the girls with boys.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) warned strictly that, “If any strange man and woman are alone, then satan will also accompany them.”
Besides this warning, the children are saying that he or she is his/her friend, college mate, class mate, section mate, colleagues etc., But we should understand that it is haram and should point out to our children about this haram. In today's world, the culture has spoiled in such a way that a boy can have any girl as his girl friend and a girl can have any boy as her boy friend. In this situation, we must advice our children that it is haram to make friendship with opposite gender and if they want to make friendship, then do it with their own genders. We should also tell them that, the friendship has to be with the fear of Allah (GBTH). Therefore, brothers! there are two relationships that are unavoidable in this world, they are blood relations and friends. We cannot choose our blood relations but can choose our friends. So, it is our duty to analyse and select good friends who have fear towards Allah (GBTH). We must also try to increase our thakwa through that friendship. We must ask dua for helping us in selecting good friends like how Allah (GBTH) selected prophets as His friend and how prophets got sahabas as their friends.
Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) said in a hadith that “ We must ask dua in such a way that, Ya Allah! Please give good people as my friends and make only good people to eat from my earnings.”
Because when we spend money for friends, then it should be used only for good people. Then only that friendship will be a good friendship. Prophet Mohamed (Pbuh) also taught us to make dua to have good friends. May Allah (GBTH) answer that dua and help us to find good friends for us. May Allah (GBTH) give success in this worldly life and in the hereafter through that good friendship.